Happy Wednesday! The weather today was the nicest it's been in a few weeks. This is the kind of weather that I live for. This is also the most significant hump day I've had in a while, because now I only have three full days left until I leave for Spain. And no, I haven't really packed yet. My suitcases have been open and lying around in my room for about two weeks now. Today was my last day of work, and while I thought it would be 100% sweet, it was more like 70% sweet and 30% bitter. I know I'll be back in a few months, but I was a little sad to leave College Park for the last time this year. The weird thing about studying abroad is that you leave for a foreign country, but life back at home will resume without you like it usually does. You don't get to hit pause and press play when you're back. My friends will still go to class every day and stress over biochem or mamm-phys midterms. I guess that's also true for life in general. No matter where you go or what you do, life goes on.
This is something I read on some blog a while back that seriously stuck with me, and I even wrote it on the inside cover of my planner so that I can read it when times are tough.
"The more I struggle to control my life, the more I struggle...
I've always prided myself on having the power to make my life. I have the power to make myself happy or sad [...] I thought that having power meant having control. Well, the joke is on me. It turns out... I'm better off just rolling with the punches. Peace comes with balance. Balance means understanding that there is good and bad for everyone in every life. If we're constantly pursuing "happy", then you are unbalanced. To roll with whatever life gives you and know that times will suck and times will rock is peace. It removes the illusion of duality. It removes the feeling of failure when times suck, and it removes the fear of change when times are awesome. Life will never get to a place where you have it all tied up in a neat and tidy package with a bow. And if it does, that's great. But just breathe. Stop forging some imaginary path to a place called 'Happiness'. It will make you insane."
Now, a part of me disagrees with the last few sentences. If you know in your mind and your heart that there is a way to be happy, then by all means, you should try and get there. The message that I personally am taking from this is that life isn't perfect, and you have to accept that.
I haven't really been thinking about the fact that these are my last few days at home. To tell the truth, I haven't really been thinking about how my life is about to be turned upside down, either. I'm not sure whether I should mentally prepare myself, or if I should just deal with everything as it happens. One thing is certain; I'm going to have to learn to deal with a lot pretty soon. Another thing is certain; I booked my flight to go visit Daniel in Amsterdam in a few weeks! I'm so excited to see him and to explore the city together. And to eat stroopwafels... mmm.
I'll admit I am a little anxious about my flight. I never liked flying, so clearly I didn't inherit the part of my dad where he's crazy about airplanes. Even though I always get anxious about it, I've always had good experiences on planes. One time when I was on a flight back from visiting Korea, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows had JUST come out (I think 2008...) and I couldn't find an English copy in time for my flight back home. The woman sitting next to me had it with her on the plane, so she let me read the first couple of chapters. I wonder how she's doing. I'll probably be too busy running around and packing to update before I leave, so wish me luck on my flight! I will definitely post as soon as possible when I get to Barcelona.